She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
