can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
