Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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