We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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