My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
