A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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