exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize