You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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