put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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