shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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