Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize