Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
