Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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