I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
