Her vagina should come with caution tape.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
