A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
