I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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