listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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