Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
