Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
