from now on my penis is your penis
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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