There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
