The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
