I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
