If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Enjoy the penises
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
