I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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