everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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