Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
