I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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