I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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