I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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