The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just googled if crying burns calories
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
