His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
