"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
