also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
