Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
