I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize