State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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