I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Still dying that you shit outside
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
