He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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