i would punch a child for taco bell
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When are your genitals available?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
