my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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