He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
