Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize