someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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