Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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