Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
