you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
