i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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