when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
