Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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