you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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