I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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