At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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