dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
