Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
