he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
