no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
