You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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