I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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