Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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