I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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