i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
