I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
