i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
