i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
